Life is a Drama...But I am never giving up...

Wow, its been days I never update my blog(No one gonna read it aso..><). So yeah new update here...

Bz with stuff recently, a gathering event which was cancelled, a 5 hour training schedule for my college performance, and few new games to entertain(Some old..haha..)

Got to finish off Dead Space 2 Singleplayer in 9 hours or something, awesome yet scary storyline..Wanted to replay it, but lazy and I wanted to try something new haha..

Fuu~~ Check my matriks application, turns out like what I expected, I didnt got the chance to study there, so much active in Koko and having high positions...Thank goodness I was provided a great college education now by my parents(Though I have to pay the fees when i work XD) and did not waste so much time as I could graduated earlier..I dont need to tell u all who were the ones who got it( Sensitive ><)..

But as far as I can say, people who should deserve it since they worked so hard to get great results, always ended up with nothing, cause that certain superior factions will be the main priority till now....So for those who worked hard and get awesome results but did not get through, dont give up and continue with your hardwork, cause I believe we will be rewarded at the end...^^

"Though you were cold to me, I didnt not give up on you now my dear...As I was rushing towards you, another glittering hope appeared in me..That "hope" brought me much more love and care towards me than you did...A different personality, black and white style, I am now split into choices for whom should I choose..The "person" or that new and motivating "hope" that I found...If I dont choose now, I will have to lose both of you and left myself alone again..."

Royal Wedding Week...Sucks being not Invited..+.+

Wake up!!!!!! The Royal Wedding In UK....Prince Williams and Kate Middleton's wedding is gonna be the Wedding Of The Century in our very time...Most people pressumed that this is going to be another " Normal girl who fell in love(nobody rises in love) with a Prince" fairytale..The difference is its not a Fairytale, this is the real deal ><.... A toast to them!!!

So yeah, just came back from Tesco, I drove there with my parents, gotta try the new KFC chicken Chop Value Meal....Seriously, if you are only a hardcore KFC food lover, this is a meal for you..Chicken meat is boneless and tasty, small portion but the side dishes( Wedges and corn) with a free drink(Mountain Dew) helps to make the dish balance....The downside? Black Pepper sauce is still tasteless and Aweful(Despite having a lots of mushrooms) and the presentation of the meal is kind of plain...So if your the type who wants to find a really good chicken chop meal...This so call "Value Meal" is seriously not your type....3.5/5 stars....

Gotta talk to the "person" today...Chatted for a while...I dont know if this is true, but that "person" is acting cold at me again...Seriously, I felt that the more often we chatted, our relationship gets worst....Sigh, I seriously have no idea when encountering with you....It seems that you are trying to avoid me, treat me like I am not suitable for you, or something....Well, I just have to stay positive for now...But seriously, if you have to insist of keeping up with this attitude...I dont mind losing you, just to save my sanity from being stolen away....Giving up is not about losing everything that u tried, but it is about having the strongest strength of letting you go away..

"There are thousand of girls out there waiting for me...Though it seems that you are the one for me...However, feelings and trust intercept with our personalities and differences, I have to accept the fact that it would not have a very happy ending for us both....Cause you have your visions, where a piece of me is not in your mind....Therefore my dear, I have to let you go away, if it hurts too much for me, in order to let my soul unhurt and able myself to have the courage and venture this story of mine...."

Forturna, Eisdeina, Dissidia, Calleigh...

Yeah...A few days just happened so fast...Lots of incidents happen and go...Making up my mind to stick with college life instead of F6 adi....So yeah...I wanna feel the new breath again...If I screw it up during the past, let me make some redemptions in the present and make achievements in the future...So yeah...College life continues...^^

Yeah...Thinking of changing myself...Ever since that "person" told me lots of things about me...I been thinking, I have wasted so much time not realising how good or special I am...I keep thinking my mistakes, flaws, doubts and worries...Which makes no effort to move forward or keep going....

Yeah...Now I seen the true objective or vision on what I am suppose to do...I know I mess things up for the past few years, but this is a totally new chapter in my life..I can amend things now since I am mature and mentally strong enough to "think"...So yeah...The new blaze has awaken in me..No more thinking of the past(Though we were taught to look back at the past to prevent any misfortunes to happen) too much, get my gear ready and move forward with confidence and hard work...^^

Windy End.....Stormy Beginning....

After the clock stroke at 12.10pm....Everyone went out of the exam hall with different emotions and gestures....I was the last of the Computer Sci Students( 3 of us, but 2 left adi be4 the time ends...) and yeah...I was alone, trying to express my feelings for that exam paper...Too bad...50 other students are all taking Accounting...So yeah...I kept it to myself.....

Everyone got their plans, some going for lunch in gangs, others wanna have fun at the karaoke studio since it was the end of my Semester 1...After waiving goodbye, I walked alone down this petty road and grab a basketball to shoot some hoops, improving my gameplay all alone....Haha...Crazy dude here...After that, it was back home and semester break begins....

Lots of stuff going on in my head...Tomolo will be the my secondary school's prize ceremony giving day...Wont be attending since I dont get any achievements or stuff..Might stay at home and become the game geek like in the past....

Didnt get the chance to write for a coluum in a magazine article, only 2 are selected...Guess I am not worthy after all...So whats the point of applying for the chairperson seat if I am not worthy? Sigh...Tough luck...But I was informed I might get another chance....

Holidays, going back to Penang(YAY!!!) sometime in May....I have to prepare songs and activities for Teachers Day..The whole thing is not even prepared and discuss...Zzz...Seriously dont like it now, but I have no choice, since I enrolled myself already...

So yeah...The end of FIA Jan 2011 intake Semester 1 ended brick by boring brick for me...Nothing much to do as I wait till 2nd semester begins....Hope it would be a better semester and I pray that I will get great marks...I really need to show that "person" what I am capable of...Everything I do is for her...

"Haha...My courage enables me to say my last goodbye to you before the break starts..You will be back to your hometown, going out with friends, and maybe get an achievement or two...Wonder if I ever cross your mind....Cause for me it happens all the time...Enjoy your holidays my dear...Will be seeing you after the break...."

One Last Dance...With You I Must

Today gotta woke up 11am in the morning...Cause I slept like a pig XD....Got to go to college for one exam....Somebody got caught for cheating...And...THe paper was okay......Discuss wif my classmates on what to act for Lecturer's day...So far no news...But I will be composing the song for them....Suck right?? 1 more paper to go....Wanna study later...while chatting with that "person"

"Seriously, she doesnt know that it was her after all....Either she is playing dumb, or acting cool like always...She didnt realise that all the pain and hurting happens to me....Well..Thats the result of liking someone where she is not realising it...Wish I have the courage and patience to confess the real truth when the time comes...."

Arghh!!!!

I just write crap only here...I dont care but I need to express my anger...><...

ARGH!!!! Exam like crap!!! English like crap!!! No time to finish it....Maths so easy can also make silly mistakes zzz!!!!! 5 marks and still counting will be gone in the blink of my eye!!! Argh!!!! Stupid me!!!! Well...Enough of this crap...As long will get 75 above I will be grateful adi...><...Ish...Blame my myself...

Tomolo gonna be the big day...I cant afford to lose marks in BC anymore...I read it, revise it and done everything i can adi...I wont do the same stupid mistakes like today's exams....Hell yeah I wont....

"Its seems to me, you live your life, like a child in an iceberg, cold and lost, waiting for people to save your life...Too bad, reality isnt what it seems..."

Maybe....

Well...Exams starting tomolo....I am still watching tv series now..Lol...

Well...I am been thinking...Maybe I am abit too overrated and reacting in someway...I dont know what it is or what i have done...I could sense it when I felt that particular "aura"....

Well...I promised...That from today..I will be a changed person...No longer the same person where you will all know...I rather unleashed the true me instead of keeping it hurting everyone including you and myself....

Well...Maybe is a mind game of mine, a publicity stunt I created for your utmost attention, Or maybe...I am trying to be closer to you...

Who knows? XD

PS: RM50 million is spent for making every Malaysian an email acc....What a joke in a circus!!!!!

Calmity Shift....

Got back my Coursework marks....BC: 38/50....Sigh....Kinda low....Comparing to those in my English class...Nearly all of them got a high 40+ marks...Creme of the crop...Time for exams to save my butt from being fired eh.....><....

"Your acting cold towards me again...Maybe its just me, couldnt you believe that everything that i say and did, wasnt just decieving or fake....I take every moment of you in my life granted no matter how sweet or bitter it is....Its okay if you dont need me know...But I wanna let you know...You are the only thing in my mind now..."

My World 3.0...Is a Viscous, Corrupted World...Yet Its Still A Memory...

Its gonna be a long story...Enjoy the storyline...

Sigh....Today's Moral Exam was tough...But answerable...

However, my eyes witness and heard the most terrible truth...Part of the class( Not all btw...) were taking answers from classmates..Not only that, they did not respect the exam hall and treated it like their own personal playground...The reason is not about the childish behaviour or the attidude which happened during the exam period..It was the cheating and disrespecting the lecturer when the exam was held which makes me blow my top instantly..How can students, young, educated, intelligent and the future leaders of the world.. Could do such corrupted acts and dishonour the exam hall and the lecturer like nothing ever happen...Thou, that wasnt the horrible horror I felt after all... I regretted, ashamed and disguted not by the actions of my classmates, but it was the past who God knew...It could happen to me after all...Karma..

Truth? I was a sinner of the past, the past particle, and the past chronicles of my life...I was a fraud, a copycat,and most importantly a cheater when in my secondary school life..Yes, I cheated during my exams..Well, Chinese exam paper for every monthly exam...I felt no guilt or conscious when doing this "aweful" act..It was indeed fun and enjoyable, as I could get a pass for my test paper and yeah...Got to go away freely...However, I did not get a pass and failed in the end..I guess God was fair after all...

Seeing their actions brought a huge reflection to me...Karma after all...Its true and will backfire u after all..Struck my head today..And I was counting my sins till the end...So yeah...That whats shocked me after all..The ghost of my past comes to hunt the weakest part of me......

To anyone from FIA Jan Intake 2011 who are reading this..I am not putting the blame to everyone or Anyone....I am just a student and a classmate to you all so I have no rights or watsoever in advicing you...But be4 you are going to repeat this act, plzz read my past Sins and think twice 1st be4 doing it again..Trust me..Its not worthy...Besides that, I apologise if I said anything Insulting or offensive to you...Not pointing the finger of blame to anyone..But to one and only ME.....

PS: I wanna say a word or 2 to my dear friend Sim Yi Han, who is going to leave FIA Jan 2011 Intake after Semester 1 for Form 6, in order to pursue his passion for English...I wish you all the luck and best in your future..Thank you for teaching me Japanese and giving me Mizuki Nana's song...Your presence is mostly remembered in my heart and mind...Sigh, another character in the chapters of my life is about to disappear...

"Memories of the Nobodies are more crippled and fragile than the tears of my Memories...Cynical remarks spoil the truth and misplaces the Heartful thought of mine..Baptised me from the evilness and fear which devours my soul and the heart of a beast..."

Time for a New Dawn......

Exam week is greeted with a very heavy downpour on a Monday morning..So much for blues and dullness... 2 hours and 25 minutes to my 1st exam....Moral studies...><...Bet everything will work out and I could get a high A..^^...Gambateh!

Sunday's Blues....

Hmm....Nothing much really...Drove my parents to shopping malls and places to eat..I shouldnt have followed them out, spoilt my nap >.<.. Anyway, I went to Popular at IOI mall and found a romantic genre comic...About basketball >.<....Love how that senior girl falls in love with a junior player...Girl meets boy, Girl falls in love with boy..Boy loves girl..And kiss her in the end...Short but nice and lovely..Too bad its BM translated...Reali reali confusing with the words 0.0...Wish it was english...XP

Gonna study Moral soon....Seriously I dont know what to do...I finish reading the whole book and yet...I will need to read the whole book again...Guess thats what they call Revision...And yeah..See the picture up there(Cute pig huh?)? I got there for my sis haha...Wish I could buy more but its too expensive ><(I wouldnt wanna say how much haha)...Maybe next time haha...

"Its cold outside and inside...Wishing that a shooting star to grant my wish..My wish? Is for you to appear in front of me and hold my hand, to share with my the warmness and love that I will cherish from your utmost important presence... But Life is no Fairytale..And Wishing you here is nothing but a mere dream...No...An illusion/delusion to be precise...Guess I have to work harder instead of dreaming..."

My life around with my new Brotherhood, and its time for me to Fly..

You know the times where we were in Primary, the times where classmates get along closer and closer where they form a artifical bloodline as brothers (For the girls, Sisters I think..XD)...That so called culture continued even during High School.. Where I got friends..who took me as their "brother" or "Pau" or "BAO" or...even "Uncle" too...>< (Juniors...So naive...)...To be frank...I reali dont believe in this BS..Seriously!! I always thought that I could be strong and act alone in these times...I got a very annoying sister( But I love her of course) and a bunch of friends which I felt sufficient already....And yes...Being the eldest in my gang.(Through Birth date) I feel that I could handle it by myself and everything travels very slowly....

Time passed by so fast...Changing my character so fast...Or is it a hoax to cover my loneliness away?

Anyway, as I ventured into college..I felt this sudden change...A change which makes me feel I need something more than friends....Like family members...I know I kinda seem a hypocrite now....But seriously...I feeling abit empty and I always wanna feel to be a younger sibling to someone...Therefore..Fate brought us together and unite us as a family...Shang Ping Jie, Jo Lin Jie, Tracy Jie, Lishan Jie, Sow Bro, Sim-san and Brother Lim( Got more i think....XD), I thank you all for being a part of my family clan and brought me more than wat I wanted...^^

PS: Oh yeah...I still remember my 5 Cengal family...You all did great and pulled me thorough thick and thin...Now, we had our separate ways and alternatives...New friends and commrades...Sad truth, but its still the real truth..Thanks for providing the seeds of these wonderful memories and past...Now I think its time for me to fly and write a new chapter in my story with different characters and settings...Gonna be one hell of a story to read..^^

Weekends...So much to tell, so little time.

Saturday morning......Supposed to have a basketball match with my college mates..Turns out the heavy rain beat us to it..==.....Got to eat vegetarian for 2 times in the row( Dont ask me why but I kinda like it cause its cheap and nice..) and watch a Disney movie after that, The Minutemen...Great story which includes time travelling factors...How i wish i could go back in time and make things right.. :/

Studying some subjects after that since exams are coming already...And yeah..After that would be the holidays and my secondary school's Award Ceremony. I am not invited since there is no invitation to receive it( thou I could come if I want), and yeah..I wouldnt want to waste my time going there, since there is nothing I could do over there and yeah..I wouldnt wanna speak about it..Since I promise a great friend whom she entrusted me the courage and bravery to live and forget the past, and move on towards the future....So yeah...I rather find something to entertain myself..Say...Continue with Dead Space 2? ^^

Oh yeah...Got my English Assignment results back, 46/50 for coursework...Highest is 48/50...Damn it...I wish my essay wasnt that crappish that time...Haiz..Gotta work extra hard for other subjects...And yeah...Really need to keep it up in order to get myself up to par for that "particular" person....Good luck and godspeed to me...><

If there is a Black Swan, Am I the Dark Knight?

Just finish watching The Black Swan, acted by Natalie Portman. About a story of a ballet dancer who got into an identity crisis when trying to play 2 roles in her story. Great acting I must say...But the storyline and ending? Its like a cheap Dance Concert with no good finishing.

Anyway, the main thing About the show is...It portrays the Main Character's interesting roles between herself..the good side and the bad side..Sounds like a Dr Jekylle and Mr Hyde ripoff? Well...Not reali..Its more realistic and deep if u ask me... And yeah..It could be something about myself too...

I am always interested in this LIght and Dark nature in humans. I always believe that there is a dark side of me which vows to destroy and take over everything who stops in my way..Darkness, a source of energy which turns my greatest fear into my dreadful power..Bring a twisted tale into my characteristics, I could be very cunning, jealous and vicious at the same time..Emo is just a point blank in my head and yeah..I could have the eagerness to make that person suffer so badly..Even if it is a love one..

Darkness, a deadly yet elegant word..More like a Black Beauty under a Starry Night..Has its mask too..Sometimes, I would be the typical, nerdy or standalone type..I wonder if I am the All-rounder person in me just by using darkness..A gift? Or a Curse? Like a shadow under a mask, it creeps through my cold blooded veins, taking over my body and breath at one time..However...Its still a mystery which is yet to be solved or done...The question is...Am I able to keep this internal feeling for long after 3 long years?

Time would tell...

Short Day......

Yesterday was kinda awesome...Got to score my 1st basketball point after 3 games..Feeling was surreal and its a chance for me to perform better next time...

Today was epic.....

Got math quiz today, which i never revise due to the tireness of yesterday's game...
Forced to drive to college, crazy traffic jam but i survived..
Run as fast as Lightning as class is about to start in 1 min?
Got my quiz paper, shock and awe style... I just did what i could...Blanked 1 question which cost 4 marks? 0.0
Class ends, forced to drive back again.....==

Exam week takes place next week...I gotta do some revision..Finish some but still a handfull....Sayonara and Gambateh for me haha...

Tired....But not down.....

Fuu~~~ Imagine every Thursday...Class ends at 12.15pm, and you will have to wait till 5:30pm for basketball training then you go back with a cramped body and pale face..I yearn for somebody to accompany me at the Library Discussion Room(My usual hangout..), guy or lady, I dont reali mind...Cuz I am not moving...Haha...

"Endless shadows in the night, creating endless worries and tensions towards my soul...So I am praying for your presence, to guide me that wonders can be true through these dark time...Is she out there?"

Those Memories

Well... Bloggin for me started in 2008, when I opened a blog to express my puppy sick love feelings towards my classmate( Its a girl btw..)and blogging was the most popular trend during those years. Politics, music, social life, emo notes are some of the types of blogs people wrote....Well in my case, I talk mostly about games, games and more games(I love games especially on9 games) and yeah...Anime and Kamen Riders? As addictive as ever...

Too bad...My classmate rejected my feelings towards me and said that we should remain friends. Kinda hurt as first, especially with lots of notes and thinking on ways to express it to her.(It was my 1st btw..), everything was all fine and we are still best of friends till now...So yeah...I am single and never really got to feel to have a mate in my life. Though love novels and romantic movies gave me an opening towards this word called "love", I dont really get to work it out since the courage in me and fallen tremendously, leaving me to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.

Its 3 years since, I feel its time to get back on my feet. Like a saying in life,"I love, I have fallen, I have rise, and i am ready to love again..When the time comes..". Therefore I hope i could be a better person than before and enable to get everything right from this time...Hmm....How eccentric eh?

Hey Yeah....New Beginnning in mY Story...

Yeah...I could recall since the last 2 years I did not update my blog....Something triggers me to update my blog...Maybe I could share with you my stories or express my views on something? Well...Stick with me to find out more yeah....GOing 18 is Fun I think?